I wasn't going to go this far..

Well, hey there blog readers. I don't know why, but I feel like it's time to unveil some things about myself. Over the years I've wondered why God has put me in my family situation. My father is an alcoholic. Not many people know this, and I don't really like to talk about it. My father has been like this ever since I can remember, but it wasn't until I was in middle school that I realized it wasn't normal.

I vividly remember when I realized my dad had two personalities. One is sober, loving, caring, a best friend, funny, entertaining, care-free, and his name is dad. The other, short-tempered, lazy, inconsiderate, impossible, aggravating, uncaring, insincere, unloving, and most of all, a drunk. I don't have a name for the second person, I wish I didn't have to acknowledge his existence altogether. I feel like God is leading me to share this story so that other people my age, perhaps with parents in my situation, know that they aren't alone. Addiction affects 1 of every 5 families. It's a lot more common than people choose to let on.

Living with an alcoholic parent is such a strange experience. It's something that is hard to explain or relate to if you've never been through it. A parent is supposed to be there and support you 24/7/365. There isn't a schedule, and there aren't supposed to be 'hours of operation' for a family, but that's what I've grown up with. My dad wasn't available past 5 p.m. because wouldn't be 'ok' past then. He had never actually verbalized this, but I always knew what it meant. It meant that he would be too drunk to drive anywhere, or be anything but a selfish, lazy, pile of a person melting his brain in front of the television. He could never pick me up late from a friend's house, and I can never talk to him civilly after I get home from work. He doesn't have the brain power to give information or answer simple questions, and it's useless making plans because I know he won't remember in the morning.

There are stories I could share, but none of that would make any difference. All I'm asking is for some prayer. It seems like it's all I can do to keep my composure around him lately. I can't stand that every night he chooses to swallow whatever it is that's eating him up inside. I know that someone will read this, so whoever you are, I'm begging you to pray. Pray that his heart is softened, that a godly influence will come into his life, that he realizes how much pain he has caused my mother, sister, and me. I beg you to pray for my mom, that she would continue to have the amazing strength to stay married to my father after years of abuse. Most of all, I pray that he would be able to sober up before my sister realizes how messed up he is. It's almost physically painful to me that she'll have to go through the frustration that I have. I would wish this on no one. There isn't one person I can think of that I would want to go through the agony of an alcoholic dad.

Well, now this is up here. All of you will know one of my innermost struggles. Some of you knew this, some of you might be shocked, and some of you might not know me at all. I am more than willing to talk to you. Actually, I would love to talk to you, especially if you have a story similar to mine. I hope that this has been able to help you in some way, and I'd love to pray with you.