I wasn't going to go this far..

Well, hey there blog readers. I don't know why, but I feel like it's time to unveil some things about myself. Over the years I've wondered why God has put me in my family situation. My father is an alcoholic. Not many people know this, and I don't really like to talk about it. My father has been like this ever since I can remember, but it wasn't until I was in middle school that I realized it wasn't normal.

I vividly remember when I realized my dad had two personalities. One is sober, loving, caring, a best friend, funny, entertaining, care-free, and his name is dad. The other, short-tempered, lazy, inconsiderate, impossible, aggravating, uncaring, insincere, unloving, and most of all, a drunk. I don't have a name for the second person, I wish I didn't have to acknowledge his existence altogether. I feel like God is leading me to share this story so that other people my age, perhaps with parents in my situation, know that they aren't alone. Addiction affects 1 of every 5 families. It's a lot more common than people choose to let on.

Living with an alcoholic parent is such a strange experience. It's something that is hard to explain or relate to if you've never been through it. A parent is supposed to be there and support you 24/7/365. There isn't a schedule, and there aren't supposed to be 'hours of operation' for a family, but that's what I've grown up with. My dad wasn't available past 5 p.m. because wouldn't be 'ok' past then. He had never actually verbalized this, but I always knew what it meant. It meant that he would be too drunk to drive anywhere, or be anything but a selfish, lazy, pile of a person melting his brain in front of the television. He could never pick me up late from a friend's house, and I can never talk to him civilly after I get home from work. He doesn't have the brain power to give information or answer simple questions, and it's useless making plans because I know he won't remember in the morning.

There are stories I could share, but none of that would make any difference. All I'm asking is for some prayer. It seems like it's all I can do to keep my composure around him lately. I can't stand that every night he chooses to swallow whatever it is that's eating him up inside. I know that someone will read this, so whoever you are, I'm begging you to pray. Pray that his heart is softened, that a godly influence will come into his life, that he realizes how much pain he has caused my mother, sister, and me. I beg you to pray for my mom, that she would continue to have the amazing strength to stay married to my father after years of abuse. Most of all, I pray that he would be able to sober up before my sister realizes how messed up he is. It's almost physically painful to me that she'll have to go through the frustration that I have. I would wish this on no one. There isn't one person I can think of that I would want to go through the agony of an alcoholic dad.

Well, now this is up here. All of you will know one of my innermost struggles. Some of you knew this, some of you might be shocked, and some of you might not know me at all. I am more than willing to talk to you. Actually, I would love to talk to you, especially if you have a story similar to mine. I hope that this has been able to help you in some way, and I'd love to pray with you.

Headaches and... Heartbreaks?

Heeyyyy... Okay, I've really been slackin'! Soo last time I blogged was right before I left for Leavenworth. WHICH WAS AMAZING!! btw... SOOO much fun. I went with another church, which was even better because I really got to know a lot of people I'd never really put time and effort into knowing before, because this time I didn't have any of my regular group to fall back on. I got to see Darin and Aidan from Shoreline (Both wonderful you gentlemen, if you don't know them) they are from the Berean Bible Church in Shoreline... and I got to see Josh, a friend (also a youth pastor and director of the retreat this year) from Grants Pass, OR.... I got to see Liz!! ( Joe Benjamin's mom), I also got to hang out with Phil! Now, if you don't know who Phil Amundsen (pretty sure that's how you spell his last name) then I feel sorry for you. He is literally one of the coolest people I know. I think he genuinely loves everyone... no, I know, how can this be? you ask... When you talk to Phil he has this way of making you feel like what you're saying matters, no matter what! Oh my goodness. Oh! ...and I got to chill with/get to know the 2 girls from Post Falls, Amy and Mandy a lot. They are just the sweetest. =] AND I got to make new friends! whoah! I met Jen, who helps out with the youth group in Grants Pass, and got to know Allison, a girl from Grants Pass (apparently GP is where it's at?) OMG I love both of them!! I am seriously considering a road trip down there this Summer to see them. There were so many other people I got to catch up with it was crazy.. but SO fun. On top of all the rad people that were there, there were other kids, and they were all awesome too! I didn't get to have a talk with everyone (obviously... but I think i came close lol) but it was awesome to see a bunch of high schoolers ( my piers..really, it was kind of weird being a 'leader' of some people that weren't even a year younger than me) who are truly and genuinely in love with God and what He has to offer. During every talk it was almost dead silent, everyone sang along at worship, and the discussions following every lesson always lasted longer than they had to. It makes me all the more pumped up for summer camp!!

Okay... now for the rest of my life... I have a couple of prayer requests I'm going to post up here.

1. I've been getting headaches more and more frequently lately. We don't have health insurance so I don't really want to bother with the doctor or even mention it to my mom. She definitely already has enough on her plate. These are usually a migraine status headache, sensitivity to light and sound, nausea, dizziness, and I just want to go to bed when I have one. I'm not really sure what triggers them, but I just know I don't want them anymore...
2. It seems like everyone's heart is breaking at once! I'm not going to name names, but I have at least 5 close friends who are hurting in this area of their life...and all talking to me about it. I'm fine with talking about it, I actually enjoy letting people talk about stuff to me... but it's hard because I don't really know what words to say. So pray for wisdom!
   
3. THE QUARTER IS OVER IN 3 WEEEEEEKS. which is really exciting! but also VERY daunting, I still have A TON of stuff to finish before the quarter is over

Thanks!

and omg today mel and I hung out after school. This was bad. very, VERY bad. we went to Target, Huckleberry's, Sushi Mari, AND Twigs. I spent SOOO much money that I don't have today! But I did get some cute stuff, so it's ok. HOLY GUACAMOLE!!! That sushi place is sooooo delicious. mmmmmmm and then we went to Twigs for dessert, which I definitely did NOT need... but it was sooooo good =] Creme Brulee! Overall it was a FANTASTIC evening.
love Sara!